Thoughts of a Sprite

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

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I had curls for all of minutes so I had larry take a picture

Link: slogan... put your name in, and see what your advertising slogan is...

Promise him anything, but bring him a Heather.

okay so I am sort of down, and I was hoping that blogging would help, but it hasn't... so here goes:

Why is it that nothing is going right? Have you ever had those ultimate lows? It seems like no matter how hard I try to keep my head above water, fighting the current, it is too strong, and just pulls me under. I gasp for air, I swim with all my might, but the ocean, life, is just too strong, I am a strong swimmer, but I just give up, one last breath and it pulls me under.

Today, blog is down, myspace is down, none of my friends are on aim, my gmail is down... just to add flame to fury... all of my outlets are offline.

I want to make something out of my life, and I know that it doesn't come overnight, but I have been working in the same place for five years, going to school for three and a half, been split up from he who shall never be named for 5 years... Shouldn't something give?

How do you put faith, and hope into something that lets you down every time? How do you get back up after you fall over and over again? Do you ever get tired of picking up the pieces? I want to believe, I want to hope, and I want to love, but I am scared.

I don't know how to fail, so maybe that is why I stay so guarded, because if I don't let anyone in, they can't hurt me. I pick guys that I know there is no possible future with, so that letting them go is easy. Or I pick guys that I know I will never date, to have a "crush on" just so that it appears that I am a normal female. Truth be told, I have issues, and I don't know how to work through them. I am tired of being strong. I want someone to lean on, some one to catch me when I fall, someone to share the burden, someone to be strong for, someone to catch... Is that so hard?

When is a good time? My friends say after college, my grandparents say a year ago, my heart says never. I am 25, with no children, no boyfriend, and no end to school insight. Speaking of insight... I wrote a poem today, it is crap, but since all my online outlets were unavailable, I thought why the hell not!

Everything burns
(good song for my mood)

"Insight"

I watched,
as you ripped the last shard of hope from my fragile heart.

I cried,
While you threw our only chance of happiness away

I hurt,
Because you couldn’t see what was in front of you

I turned,
So that you could not see that you are my weakness

I loved,
For a brief moment in time and that has past.

I thought,
But could not remember what it felt like to smile

I screamed,
Silently so that you would not hear

I questioned,
Why I was not good enough for you

I realized,
That it was I who let you go, pushed you away

I smiled,
Through the tears that I thought were your fault

I concluded,
That I am the one to blame, guarded, jaded and cold

I wept,
Like a child

so ya, that is about the mood I am in....

Useless fact of the day: Houdini's real name was Ehrich Weiss.

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shes_a_sprite @ 11:34 PM.

3 comments

Unknown said...

What a gorgeous photo! WOW!!
I'm sorry that you are feeling down tonight. Life is tough, and you are tired of being strong, the thing is, what other choice is there? We have to go on tired or not.
You will find more strength, it's amazing how much we have. I know you are scared, but we have to take those risks sometimes, holding back bc of fear will keep you from many things.
Don't give up, life will hold wonderful things for you, so hold your head up out of that water for a bit longer!

3:00 AM

Dano said...

I'm a Secret Dano Drinker. Which was mine...kinda creepy.

Life is tough and men suck. Just be better than your last disappointment.

9:58 AM

JR said...

When you find the answers, let me know. I search for them every day. Sometimes, I don't require answers, just seeking them is enough to keep me going.

When something like you're computer network issue happens, it can make you so angry. I've been there myself. When I get angry, I run/jogg. I used to take it out on myself. In any event, getting it out is the best thing to do. Finding a healthy outlet is important. Use it for motivation! :P You're a bright star, consume all the fuel you can to burn as bright as you should.

-Justin

3:20 PM